


Coming Pre-Packaged

by Quiet_Shadow



Series: Daring Rescues [2]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Anakin Certainly Doesn't Think It Counts If The Baby Isn't Quite Born Yet, Childbirth, Gen, Humor, Obi-Wan Has A Headache Already, Pregnancy, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:01:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28312749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quiet_Shadow/pseuds/Quiet_Shadow
Summary: “… I didn’t grab a baby this time,” Anakin flushed while a few troopers notably paused between two shots. [...] “I mean, it’s still… pre-packaged!” he added as an afterthought.Oh Force, had his former Padawanreallysaid that?Or the 501st and the 212th deals with childbirth in the middle of a battle and Obi-Wan has a headache already.
Series: Daring Rescues [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2073552
Comments: 5
Kudos: 91





	Coming Pre-Packaged

**Author's Note:**

> A continuation to my old little fic 'Of Wails and Lacking Baby Formula', because I wanted to write something fun and lighthearted for Christmas and the end of the year.
> 
> Enjoy <3

He was going to have a headache, Obi-Wan thought, left eye already twitching as he took in the full scene. The makeshift barricades formed by rubbles, giving them adequate but rudimentary covering while a pair of troopers were doing their best to repair the shield generator. The troopers returning fire to a group of droids, with pin-point accuracy he’d make sure to commend them upon when they got out of here later. Kix, the 501th medic, kneeling on the ground next to his patients.

_The civilian purple Twi’lek woman who had no business being here, especially with explosions in the background, an assault underway and laser fire flying around and the last refugee transport having taken off near an hour ago._

The _heavily pregnant purple Twi’lek woman who had no business being here_ and who Kix was focused on, looking out of his depth.

Which Obi-Wan sympathized with. The care of pregnant women was probably not taught on Kamino; indeed, what use would it have served for them to know, according to the Kamioans? Being clones, the troopers were grown in vats and decanted past toddlerhood. Whatever they were taught was essentially geared toward military activities – and medical care was mostly centered on _male_ human patients.

Or at least, having male genitalia. Obi-Wan had never tried to ask the men if perhaps some of them were feeling more like ‘sisters’ than ‘brothers’ despite their outward appearance. It seemed rude to ask.

Anyway, Clone medics had a limited scope of usual patients.

Which, unfortunately, had caused quite a few issues when they had come to serve under near-humans and other aliens species Generals with different medical baselines and needs, but that was neither the place nor the time to think of those shortcomings.

Oh, wait. Yes, _yes, it was_!

Because the purple Twi’lek civilian wasn’t just _heavily pregnant_ , she had _already entered childbirth_ , with Kix hovering near her with the most panicked expression Obi-Wan had ever seen on a Clone Trooper.

And in the middle of it all, standing with his hands behind his back like an Initiate caught red-handed in a bit of mischief, stood Anakin, who was trying very hard not to look at him – while also keeping his chin stubbornly out.

Obi-Wan blinked, reassured himself that it was not a vision (which, unfortunately, it wasn’t; the Force wasn’t so kind) then pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Anakin…” he said in a long-suffering sigh. His headache was becoming more pronounced by the second. Now he understood better why Mace was always frowning. “Didn’t we have a conversation about you and playing dashing hero just a few weeks ago?”

Anakin had the good grace to blush. “It’s not my fault, Master!” he insisted. “What did you want me to do? Just leave her there for the droids to shoot?”

“Of course not,” Obi-Wan answered soothingly, but he kept pinching his nose. “But what did I said about making sure to _grab what a baby needed_ on the way?”

“… I didn’t grab a baby this time,” Anakin flushed while a few troopers notably paused between two shots. You didn’t really need the Force to know they were rolling eyes under their helmets – Rex especially. The whole ‘Accidental Baby Acquisition’ hadn’t been well-handled by a good part of the troops involved in the incident, for various reasons. Though Obi-Wan had caught Waxer looks at adoption procedures on the holo-net during his downtime, once, so maybe a few of them **had** kept a good memory of the whole thing. “I didn’t!” Anakin insisted again. “I mean, it’s still… pre-packaged!” he added as an afterthought.

Oh Force, had his former Padawan _really_ said that?

Obi-Wan could only stare at him in disbelief (and Kix too, as well as any troopers not busy returning fire) and Anakin blushed, apparently realizing the enormity of his statement alone.

“It is, though,” he insisted nonetheless.

Obi-Wan didn’t know if he should laugh or cry. “I’m not going on comment on what you call ‘pre-packaging’, my former Padawan, but to answer your earlier statement… Yes, you did _grab a baby_ again! And before you add anything else, Anakin,” he warned, “be warned that the mother is in _labor_. They’re going to be born _here_.”

Obi-Wan wouldn’t admit to feeling a rush of dark satisfaction at seeing Anakin change color, for he was a Jedi and above petty feelings, but… well, maybe sometimes he didn’t feel like being a perfect Jedi.

Besides him, he heard Cody curse. “Oh kriffing hell! Just what we needed!”

“Indeed, Commander,” Obi-Wan replied distractedly, shaking his head as he knelt by the laboring Twi-lek. No need crying over spilt banta milk; wherever you wanted it or not, Anakin had actually done the _right_ thing, bringing the stranded civilian here. It wasn’t his fault that being jostled around and the stress of the evacuation had _probably_ kickstarted an early labor for the mother-to-be.

It was happening, and now they needed to do their best to deal with it alongside pushing the droids back – for which he had an entire confidence in his troops and Anakin’s.

Given how messy the birth problem was going to be, Obi-Wan had the sneaky feeling he wasn’t going to lack volunteers to charge forward.

The mother-to-be made a questioning sound, and the Jedi shook himself out of his musings.

He started to softly talk to her in Twi-leki, to which she could only laugh between two grimaces of pain as Anakin anxiously loomed behind them and Kix… well, Kix was doing away with the wet and bloody undergarments of the lady.

“Sir, I have absolutely no idea what to do and I’ve not been able to get a medical droid on the comms!” the medic informed him frankly, to which Obi-Wan could only smile dryly.

“Fortunately for us all, Kix, we have an expert with us,” he said, gently squeezing the hand of the Twi’lek and trying not to wince as she squeezed back with more force than necessary – why, that was a badly timed contraction. “Sy’maamya here has informed me that it’s her fourth child already, she knows what to, ah, expect and do already. Based on past experience, she’s certain it should be relatively fast.”

He could practically hear _everyone_ around him sigh in relief in the Force. And he would have too, but…

Well, he hadn’t had the misfortune to assist a mother in labor before (for all he and Anakin and Master Qui-Gon before him kept ending in weird situation, it was admittedly a new one for Obi-Wan), but that didn’t mean he was unaware of what was going to happen.

And he could hardly leave Kix dealing with the situation alone, could he? Especially if he could help someone with the pain by using the Force to relax Sy’mamyaa.

“Of course, relatively fast isn’t a precise timeframe”, he continued on a mild, pleasant tone that had a few troopers wince. “It could mean hours like it could means half an hour. Which means that we’re facing the arrival of a newborn amidst no small amount of blood, cries and swearing, for one.”

He didn’t add ‘personal injuries’, because he knew Cody would have dragged him off immediately, but Obi-Wan had a bad feeling about the state of his hand once everything was said and done and the baby in their mother’s arms. Twi’leks were a lot stronger than they looked and the way Sy’mamyaa was already crushing his hand didn’t bide well for the moment the baby would be crowning.

“That’s an obligatory part?” a trooper muttered loud enough to be heard over the laser discharges.

Obi-Wan ignored it with as much dignity as he could. Perhaps he should ask Madam Nu to send him a few texts with diagrams and holovids on childbirth processes? Just to educate the troops and his former Padawan, in case they stumbled into that type of situation again, of course. Not because he was _slightly_ miffed it was happening to begin with. “I need to stay here to make sure the mother and baby are fine; I trust you’ll be able to retake the town without me, Commander Cody, Anakin?”

“Of course, Sir,” the Commander snapped to attention.

“Obi-Wan, you’re sure…?” Anakin asked hesitantly, eyes wandering between his former Master, the teeth-clenched Twi-lek and Kix’s look of bemusement and horror at what he was seeing from his angle of vision.

“Anakin, everything will be fine,” Obi-Wan replied calmly. He raised an eyebrow at his former Padawan. “Now, if it’s not too much to ask you, maybe you could, oh, I don’t know, grab the essentials for a newborn while you’re out there? You know, the things you didn’t grab the first time around and didn’t plan for this time either?”

“You said that as if I could have guessed this very situation would happen!” Anakin protested and yes, it was a fair point. Mostly.

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan replied with dead certainty, “if by now you haven’t learned by now that _something almost always goes wrong_ on a mission, I’m afraid you never will. And now, go destroy those droids, will you?” He gave the younger Jedi a lopsided smile. “Weirdly enough, I don’t think laser fire is a good thing to have in the vicinity of mothers and infants…”

A stray blast hit the rubbles wall over their heads.

“Or anyone, really,” he finished, shaking his head.


End file.
